I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
