the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
