It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
