What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
