The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
