You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Shame is for Republicans.
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