You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
