twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
