Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
