There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
