Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
