your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
