Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
