i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
