my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
