You're so nebulous sometimes
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You can't just leave with hair like that
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
