dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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