the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
