I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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