no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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