i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
