It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
