omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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