those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
