i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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