I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize