the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just cropdusted the office
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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