Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
there's paper in my vomit.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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