I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
