cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
