i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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