We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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