Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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