I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
