I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
