do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Randomize
