You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
