Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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