I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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