How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
