You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
