Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
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