burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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