no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
