She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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