The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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