New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
