don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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