I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
