I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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