yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
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he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
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I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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