I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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