She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
God, I missed his penis.
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