The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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