not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it hurts more in the daytime
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
