My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
birth control should be required to get into college
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
