Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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