You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
