oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she woke up with a sticky ear
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
