why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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