The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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