so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
