I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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