Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
