im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
